Don't Complain In Public...

...if you hate your mother-in-law, that is.

Sunda Croonquist is being sued by hers, for daring to make comments where her mother-in-law was the butt of the jokes. Croonquist is half-Swedish, half-African-American, was raised in a Catholic household and married a Jew, so she has plenty of raw material just in her cultural background alone. She says the family all laughed along at her routines in the past, presumably knowing it was all comedic license.

But her husband's family stopped laughing once the material appeared online. Apparently it's all very funny and absurd until your neighbours know she's talking about you.

My personal opinion? Croonquist has been doing these jokes for years. Just how many Jewish men are out there whose wives are Swede-African Catholics who converted to Judaism? Yup folks... their friends knew she was talking about them years ago. Why it took them so long to suddenly get offended is beyond me.

I think Croonquist sums it up well: if she had realised they would eventually sue her, she should have tried to make a worse first impression... a gold tooth, one pants leg rolled up, and saying, "Yo, yo, yo. Shalom, y'all. 'Sup?"

Keep Fido Away From Daisy

London farmers have issued a stern warning: Don't walk your dog near our cows.

But rather than a threat, it's a community service announcement. Apparently, people are being increasingly trampled by vicious cows protecting their calves. Dog owners in particular are more likely to be in danger, since the animals believe the dog might be threatening their young.

Their advice, if you must walk near cattle, is to let your dog off the lead. The cows aren't interested in the owner, only the dog.

Thanks to Reuters.

The New Pocket Twist...

I'm one of those people who subscribe to being "Alert but not alarmed". Yeah, thanks very much, John Howard. But anyway. When I'm out shopping, for example, my wallet never lives in my back pocket, and if it's in my bag then my bag will have a lock. I don't spend every moment looking for thieves, but I prefer not to lay out the welcome mat. Pickpockets are all over the world and you just never know.

But this lot in London have turned the tables. According to Reuters, 20 former pickpockets have turned over a new leaf and are now slipping money back into unsuspecting pockets.

It's being funded by a telecomms company as a way to brighten up a random person's day. But unfortunately I don't think they take requests...

Tea Time & Awesome ID

Q: If your husband shoots you in the head, what should you do? A: Go make a cup of tea for arriving police officers. http://linkbee.com/3PTD

The Idiot's Guide to stopping underage beer drinkers. http://linkbee.com/3PVF

Oh No, Not Again

I seem to recall a recent news article in which a would-be bank robber burst into a decidedly NON bank and demanded the staff give him the money from the (non-existent) safe. But hey, we all make mistakes, right? After all, if you don't realise it's not a bank, it's probably a spur-of-the-moment unplanned thing that just didn't work out.

But these guys have one-upped him soundly. The clowns who planned a robbery of the Royal Bank of Scotland branch in Macclesfield, UK, seem to have done a fair bit of homework and preparation. They armed themselves with tools, including a drill. They then broke into a flat above the bank, and pulled back the carpet, to make their way down through the bank's ceiling.

Unfortunately, they ended up in the empty office next door to the bank.

After making a second attempt from a different room in the flat, they gave up and fled empty-handed.

Perfectly executed, guys, all except the "correct location" thing. Or as my father would say, "The operation was a success, but the patient died."

Fine Dining

As drug testing gets more thorough, the crims get more creative in ways to escape detection when they're moving it across borders. Recently a man was arrested for having a leg cast made entirely of cocaine - but this latest story even outdoes that.

Spanish police have intercepted a 42-piece dinnerware set made entirely of compressed cocaine.

The elaborate disguise had been sent by registered delivery from Venezuela and contained more than 20 kilograms (45 pounds) of the drug, and was even glazed and painted blue with flowers.

A 35-year-old man has been arrested.

One Lucky Kid

A three-year-old boy in India has narrowly escaped death when he fell from a balcony and was impaled by a metal rod. Passing completely through his torso, it had not pierced any of his major organs.

Doctors were astonished to discover the child fully conscious on arrival. And amazingly, he had no major injuries. It took them four hours to remove the rod, but apart from bruising and blood loss, he was generally none the worse for wear.

You can see a pic here (warning, not for the squeamish): http://twitpic.com/2mjpd

A Match Made In, um, hrm...

Staff at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust in Sussex, UK have been left bemused recently, after failing to breed the rare New Zealand Blue Duck.

Their breeding couple, Jerry and Cherry, had ignored each other for years, so they decided to introduce a second male in the hope that he would take more interest in Cherry than Jerry had.

But onlookers were left scratching their heads when newcomer Ben only had eyes for the other male. Staff say they make a lovely couple, but it's thrown plans for breeding up in the air.

Now Cherry swims sadly by herself as the pair of gay drakes sing to each other and parade around the enclosure.

Don't Get Fresh!

This isn't a very recent story but it still struck me as amusing.

A 71-year-old woman was found to be carrying a leather club (known as a blackjack) as she passed through security screening at Tampa Airport, Florida.

When questioned, she told them it was to "smack people's hands when they got fresh". That's the part that has me laughing.

DON'T GET FRESH WITH 71-YEAR-OLD LADIES! They might be carrying a weapon.

(Stick to getting fresh with 80-year-olds?)

Smarty's Learn To Drive School!

Just imagine what went through the mind of a Cebu Pacific pilot recently on his arrival at Legazpi airport, in the Philippines.

Right as he touched down with 80 passengers on board, a van sped over the tarmac in front of him, directly across the path of the hurtling plane.

A local aviation official's son was teaching his girlfriend how to drive. At an airport. At a busy airport being used. On The Runway. AS A PLANE WAS LANDING.

The pilot pulled the plane's nose off the tarmac and managed to get the plane airborne for a go-around, landing safely the second time. The aviation official, who had presumably granted his son access to the airport, has been suspended from duty.

There is no word on whether the girlfriend has passed her driving test.

Overdue Bill

A German mathematician who died 450 years ago has been sent a letter demanding that he pay television license fees.

Germany's GEZ broadcast fee collection office sent the bill to the last home address of Adam Ries, an algebra expert who bought the house in 1525. Residents returned the letter with a note explaining Ries had died in 1559, centuries before the invention of television and radio. They nonetheless received a reminder a few weeks later.

Thanks to Reuters

Dumb Criminal

Hypothetical: Let's just pretend you were a prisoner. And if you were a prisoner, let's just pretend you were stupid enough to try and escape.

And if you were a prisoner and you were stupid enough to escape... what would you do next? I hear you: a chorus of "Run!" and "Hide!" and "Get the hell away from the prison!"

I now present Dumb Criminal Exhibit A: a 25-year-old prison escapee in Georgia, USA, was caught sneaking back into prison.

(dramatic pause)

Please retrieve your jaw from the ground and return it to its regular upright position.

Evidently, he only snuck out to steal some cigarettes. What I can't get my head around was this, though: Dude. You're OUT. You know, OUTSIDE the fence? Free and stuff! How is taking cigarettes back into your cell a better option?

BBC

What De Feo?

A soccer team in Milan, Italy, is causing headaches all round - because every single one of its players has the surname De Feo.

Not only that, its secretary, doctor, coach and 12 sponsors are also De Feos.

The team's home ground can be found on Raffaele De Feo Street.

The word is that the Guinness Book of Records might be interested. And locals have observed they won't run out of potential players in a hurry - the name is very common.

Pink Elephants Are Flying

Ok, not really, but a pink dolphin is swimming.

Yes, really. A unique albino bottlenose dolphin in Lake Calcasieu, Louisiana, has tourists swarming for a glimpse.

"Pinky" is believed to be the only pink dolphin in the world, and has "reddish" eyes. It is usually spotted with its dark grey mother.

There are only 14 other known albino dolphins in the world, all of them white.

Story and more photos: News.com.au

Travelling OOPS!

When Samantha Lazzaris saved up for a holiday halfway round the world, she was careful about choosing the perfect destination.

However, it seems her travel agent exercised a little less care.

Instead of arriving at San Jose airport in Costa Rica, Central America, her plane landed in San Juan on the Caribbean island of Puerto Rico 1,300 miles away.

Read more at Mail Online

Darwin Award Nominee #2

A Russian man who was attempting to pleasure two women for 12 hours straight has died - because he had swallowed an ENTIRE BOTTLE of Viagra in order to do so.

28-year-old Sergey Tuganov had been offered a £3,000 bet by the two women, and took up the challenge. He apparently won the bet but minutes later succumbed to a heart attack.

The women called for an ambulance, but it was too late.

I suppose the money will pay for his funeral...

Unlucky!

A man in Memphis, Tennessee, has lost three homes in a row to water and flames.

His first apartment was burned thanks to a gas leak. At his new apartment, organised by the landlord, a major electrical fault caused a fire which turned the entire building to ashes.

After bursting into tears, Davin Roberson was somehow able to appreciate that he was unharmed, and get on with life, while the Red Cross put him up in a hotel.

But within weeks the building lost its roof in a storm, so he found himself homeless yet again. He is now living with relatives and refusing to let it all get him down.

Time to buy a lottery ticket, Davin, your luck has to change sometime!

Worst Food Product Ever?

From ThisIsWhyYou'reFat (which despite the name, isn't a hate site, but a site filled to overflowing with weird and wonderful food combinations laden with enough kilojoules to give an elephant a heart attack).

Consumerist.com has helpfully pointed out that it also contains 1,170% of your daily allowance of cholesterol. Yum!

Cave Time!

The latest in a long list of financial tragedies...

A couple from Missouri, USA has announced they can no longer afford their sprawling cave mansion and is putting the unique home up for auction on eBay. Come again?

This building is enormous and has to be seen to be believed. It has even hosted rock concerts in the past, including one featuring Ike and Tina Turner. The place is stunning - pity it's neither in my area nor budget!

Read More here or watch the video below.

Club Evicts Underaged Guest

An uninvited guest snuck into Wests Leagues Club, south-west of Sydney, just before midnight recently, and managed to evade staff for more than 24 hours.

Security footage shows a possum sneaking into the reception area and inspecting the fountain, before leading staff on a chase all over the club. It then hid in a wall cavity before emerging a day later.

The Club's General Manager, Tony Mathew, said, "We aren’t sure if it lived within the 15km radius and were concerned it may have been underage. We have a legal obligation to call the police if we are unable to get a patron to move on."



The most amusing part, to me, was when the guy was supposedly trying to usher it out the doors but he is so busy filming it with his mobile phone that the possum just does its own thing!

Tantrums Get Results!

But in the case of a Romanian TV presenter, not always the results you're after.

When nobody called in with answers on her phone-in quiz show, she began to shout at the cameras, and when still nobody called, she smashed a phone on the ground, jumping on it and screaming maniacally.

It got her the attention she deserved - in the form of being fired. In addition, the country's TV watchdog fined the company for broadcasting violence, and the program is now restricted to the after-10pm adults timeslot.

See the video

Huge Insect Bite

A British teenager appeared to have an insect bite on her neck but doctors found the real problem -- a 2-inch sewing needle lodged in her throat.

"I couldn't believe my eyes when they showed me the x-ray," the teenager said. She had collapsed during a sewing class five days earlier, but had not felt the needle enter as she had hurt her back at the time.

Read more at redOrbit

Delicious.

Voters in Venezuela were arrested during their recent referendum - but not for failing to vote.

The referendum was to examine whether presidents should be allowed to continue serving for as long as they keep winning elections. The current president will not be allowed to remain in office beyond 2012 if the referendum is overturned.

Voters, unhappy with the current president, decided to protest - by eating their ballot papers. And according to General Jesus Gonzalez, in charge of voting security, "This is an electoral crime."

Hooley Dooley. Imagine what the crime might be if you made a paper aeroplane out of them?!

Wallet Travels

I always find it kind of cool when someone loses something, and the item overcomes a bunch of obstacles to get back to its owner. Like a camera where someone has to play detective with the images inside, for example.

Recently a wallet has made this kind of journey. I have returned wallets I've found in the past. I've also had one returned to me, and all that was missing was the postage. It makes you feel really good when someone repays your honesty like that.

New Yorker Allison Gubala left hers in a cab one afternoon, and along with cash and credit cards she lost some precious photos, including one of a friend who had recently passed away.

Enter Hero Number One - the cab driver. Rather than pocketing the contents, he found Allison's address, and delivered the wallet.

Unfortunately, Allison had moved. Enter Hero Number Two, the new resident of that building, Irene Cheng. She and the cabbie had hoped the building supervisor might have a forwarding address.

He didn't. But, undeterred, Irene went searching, and found Allison on Facebook.

Enter Happy Ending! :)

Labour of "Love"

Cambridge psychiatrist Dr Karen Norberg has knitted an anatomically correct replica of the human brain, a feat that took her an entire year.

No, really.

I'm... She... I'm... I've got nothin'.

TanTastic!

Over 30,000 people have signed up to a web site offering to let them pick up a tan from their computer monitor without realising that it was a marketing ploy to publicise a skin cancer charity.

On offer was a "free trial" of a program claiming to give the user a tan simply by using a screensaver with technical-looking bars that resembled a sun bed.

See the site - www.ComputerTan.com
Story - vnunet.com

Naughty, Naughty

A firefighter in New York City has been fined after parking in front of a fire hydrant.

No, that's not the weird news. The weird news is that he did it on purpose.

And left a note asking not to be fined.

AND used the fact he's a firefighter as the reason they shouldn't fine him.

"I'm really a fireman," the guy wrote. "I work in Engine 46."

...although generally I post crazy news stories to help us all have a laugh at the bizarre things in life, this one has me furious with anger. This guy needs to be permanently fired as a firey. You may quote me on this one. It's blatant disregard for someone's life. It's not understanding, as a FIREFIGHTER, that he knowingly put someone's life at risk for his own personal parking convenience. And it's using his occupation to freakily excuse it?

Huh. Sorry for the rant. It's just that this week we've had more than 135 Australians die in fires, and the death toll is still rising, and the fires are still burning out of control. People are desperately fleeing a 100km-wide wall of flames (60 miles wide) and they're dying in their cars as the fire is too fast for them to outrun. Doctors have described the horrific burns as worse than bomb blasts. Kids are in burns units, some people have lost their parents, some have lost their children. This is our worst peacetime disaster in history. It's a little hard to feel any sympathy for such a mindblowingly-idiotic and selfish piece of behaviour as intentionally obstructing a hydrant.

The Australian Red Cross - www.redcross.org.au is accepting donations online from anyone in Australia via cheque or credit card. The Australian Red Cross are not using a single cent for administration costs and the entire amount will go to people in need. You can also read information there on who are coordinating things like billeting / homestay and accommodation offers for the 6000+ survivors who are now homeless.

People in the USA can donate via the American Red Cross online, by selecting "International Response Fund" or by mail, to, American Red Cross, P.O. Box 37243, Washington, D.C. 20013 (include a note "Australian Bushfires" with your check) or in person to your local American Red Cross chapter. Donations can also be made by phone at 1-800-REDCROSS. The Red Cross honours your preference if you nominate which disaster relief program you would like the money spent on.

~ Elisa

cross-posted to No Added Salt

Time To Quit?

There's a great saying that goes like this: "If at first you don't succeed... destroy all evidence that you tried."

I love that. Apparently though, it seems like a 68-year-old South Korean woman has neglected to do so. She has now failed her written driving test SEVEN HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ONE TIMES.

I wrote that out in words, instead of 771, because it seems like way more. But really, I needn't have bothered. 771 times is still a huge number and it's still a freaky story.

Ever thought that some people just aren't meant to be on the roads? Yeah. Remind me never to drive in South Korea if lightning strikes and that woman ever succeeds.

The pass mark is 60%, and she averages 30-50% on each attempt. Holy cow. I'd have thought anyone who can't get close on three tries alone should stay off the road. And I'll bet most people score well over 80 on their first attempt!

~ Elisa

Be Careful Of Milk!

Maybe I shouldn't make jokes involving allergies. I have an allergy to a particular drug, so I do know what it's like to experience a life-threatening reaction.

Aw, stuff it. I'm going to do it anyway. But who we should be laughing at is the powers-that-be, when laws become as stupid as this one. So check out this stupid news.

Because of food laws in the United Kingdom, all manufacturers must declare the presence of known common food allergens in their product. You might have seen this before - in Australia, for example, packaging of most snack foods will state something like, "This product is manufactured in a facility that also manufactures peanut products. As a result, trace amounts of {nuts/egg/milk/seafood} may be present in this product." When an allergen is an actual ingredient, it's in bold. CONTAINS NUTS, SHELLFISH.

They do this for a very good reason. Someone with a severe peanut allergy can experience a life-and-death situation by eating even a crumb of a peanut, and if you're eating chicken-flavoured chips you're unlikely to suspect it contains peanuts.

However, I think it's a bit redundant, when the product's actual name contains the food in question. "Cadbury Dairy Milk" chocolate bars now have a warning on the back of the packaging, "Contains Milk."

In metric, Cadbury's TV, Media and Radio advertising campaign states: "A glass and a half of Full Cream Dairy Milk, in every 200 gram block." We aren't talking obscure food here; a bar of Cadbury Dairy Milk is sold around the world every 2 seconds. Anyone in the world who can identify Cadbury as the maker of Dairy Milk is likely to also recognise the Glass And A Half slogan, which dates back to 1928.

This is the actual packaging for Cadbury chocolate, which is the biggest selling chocolate in Australia, New Zealand and the United Kingdom.


Notice anything? Notice any, say, known allergen, mentioned on the package? Or how about splashed all over the package? Or pouring from a glass, in one of the best known marketing campaigns in chocolate history?

Got Milk?

Got Stupid?

~ Elisa (not stupid)

Your Tax Euros At Work

So recently, two crazed guys with a machete threatened workers at a German liquor shop, nabbing several thousand euros in booty before high-tailing it out of there.

Plain-clothed police officers arrived at the scene within minutes.

However, in circumstances that can only be described as comical, uniformed cops arrived soon after, got confused, and arrested the plain-clothed officers. Their protests were ignored and they were silenced.

It took them a while to realise the mistake. In fact, they only did realise when one of the cops recognised his colleague in the plain clothes.

Now that's what I call confidence in law enforcement. Perhaps Germany should include some extra police training in their economic stimulus package?

~ Elisa

Ultimate Stealth

Florida police are searching for an overweight man who has been attempting to steal from ATMs in the Palm Beach area - dressed as a ninja.

Surveillance cameras have caught him on more than one occasion, but he has so far not been successful.

Now I don't know about you, but I always thought the whole idea of ninjas is that they're elusive. I can't see a really large man succeeding, personally. But hey, if he gets arrested, it's one freaky story to be telling the grandkids.

~ Elisa

Personal Responsibility Be D*mned!

When a guy is pleasant enough to bash his wife, you know whose fault it is? United Airlines'.

Yoichi Shimamoto has been charged after attacking his wife at San Francisco Airport's Customs, but claims he did this because UA gave him alcohol during his flight.

A spokesman for UA said, "We believe a lawsuit which suggests we are somehow responsible for the consequences of a passenger's physical assault on his own wife is without any merit whatsoever."

Personally, I find it to be very odd news. UA cannot be to blame. I'm waiting for this guy to lodge a lawsuit against San Francisco Airport. I mean, obviously it's their fault, because they allowed him to walk into Customs. Or, it might be the fault of the country he arrived from, for allowing him to bring souvenirs, which necessitated him waiting in line at Customs. The company who laid the carpet at Customs might be responsible for the attack, since this man walked on that carpet. Or possibly, it's the fault of the guy who was in the Customs line in front of him, for being in front of him.

~ Elisa

Well, I Was Running Late...

It's a fairly common scenario. You miss the bus and you're running late, so you just hop into the car and drive yourself there instead.

Well, if you're an adult, that is. If you're six years old, maybe not so much.

One such boy in Northumberland County, Virginia, felt that was the best way to avoid missing breakfast and early morning PE at school. He made it almost six miles, running off the road several times, before hitting a pole. He then got out of the car and continued his journey on foot, more concerned with being late than having crashed the car.

He told police that he'd learned to drive by playing (among other things) Grand Theft Auto.

His parents, who were asleep at the time, have both been charged, and the boy and his younger brother are now in care. Looks like staying in bed while your 6-year-old sends himself to school in the morning, and allowing him to play GTA, kinda clashes with the child protection authorities' ideals.

~ Elisa

Inconspicuous Vehicle

If you really, really want to get across town to see your girlfriend, and you haven't got your own car, how do you get there? Train? Nah. Steal your own set of wheels. And, to blend in with the traffic, how about a small, ordinary car?

No way. You take a bright red double-decker bus.

And in the interests of safety, make sure you're drunk.

Also, keep yourself well-hidden, by going shopping in your bus.

Police in the UK intercepted a 17-year-old on such a mission recently, and he was caught not because he crashed the bus, picked up passengers, blocked traffic or caused danger - but because he stopped at a service station trying to buy cigarettes, and asked for them to be put on the account of the bus company.

What's more, he'd only just been released 12 hours earlier, for stealing... another bus. The first time he was also drunk, managing to drive the wrong way through a roundabout, then cruising through a fence.

Ah, to be young and carefree again.

~ Elisa

Darwin Award Nominee

This guy almost earned himself a Darwin Award.

Aussie Greg Robertson went to grab a dropped spearfishing gun, but he was hit by a wave and the gun went off - firing directly into his thigh and missing his genitals by centimetres.

A friend who witnessed the accident unscrewed the spear from the gun but was (fortunately!) unable to remove the barb from his leg.

Lucky guy!

~ Elisa

Community Service Announcement: If anyone gets ANYTHING stuck in their body like this, don't try and remove it. It might be plugging a gushing artery. People have even survived speared objects directly through their hearts, simply because nobody tried to remove the items before getting to hospital.

Political Correctness Gone Mad!

The UK's Minister of Justice has directed prison officers NOT to refer to their charges as "inmates" - because it might offend them.

In a move being branded "nonsense", the MoJ has insisted that the term is not consistent with respect and dignity, and advised them to use the term "prisoner" instead.

Now, the "preferred term" is the thing that gets to me. How they can seriously expect people to prefer being called Prisoner to Inmate is beyond me. "Prisoner" is a continual reminder that they can't leave and are held against their will. "Inmate" carries a far more acceptable connotation - that they are simply in a place, alongside other people. In the same way that "flatmate", "housemate" and "workmate" are used.

I know which term I'd prefer!

~ Elisa

Quick, Send The Fire Brigade...

From the Telegraph.co.uk:

"Five fire vehicles, including a heavy rescue unit, two police cars and an ambulance were dispatched to the Yorkshire Dales village of Marrick after [an emergency] caller reported seeing a light aircraft or hang glider plunge into woods."

When police arrived on the scene they discovered that the aircraft was, erm, probably not in desperately urgent need of assistance.

Apparently Santa's flying reindeer failed him, because the aircraft was a huge blow-up Santa Claus.

I hope everyone had a good laugh!

~ Elisa

How Not To Impress Your Girlfriend

Step 1. Pour petrol (gasoline) all over your arm.
Step 2. Set it alight.

Swedish Man Burned - story thanks to Red Orbit

~ Elisa

Think You're Having A Bad Day?

Spare a thought for this unlucky guy. A snowplow operator in Minnesota decided it would be a nice idea to clear the snow and ice off a boat ramp.

Unfortunately, snow and ice is, well, slippery. That's kinda why snowplows get rid of it.

The driver found this out the hard way, when the plow slid straight down the ramp, flew off the end onto the ice, broke through the lake surface and sunk to the bottom.

His boss would have been less than impressed at $200,000 worth of plow on the bottom of a lake!

More at the Wis10 site.

~ Elisa

PS. Image is of Lake Michigan.

Thousand-Mile Search For Love

Wei Jiaming set off from Guangzhou, China, on a 1,200-mile bike ride that she hoped would make her famous and find her true love. Her website attracted more than 1,000 interested men, and she had mentally prepared herself for the meet and greet at the finish line, expecting that quite a few suitors would be waiting for her.

Unfortunately for her, the reception crowd at the end had a bit of a disappointing surprise.

Story at Telegraph.co.uk

~ Elisa

Trying To Out Do Celebrities?

New Zealand woman Tomicina Davoren has named her newborn baby daughter Zealand-New.

As explanation, the mother noted that she chose it because it was unusual. The name was suggested by the child's grandmother.

Baby Zealand-New Sharron Phyllis Atareta Davoren joins siblings Rlexuz Toara Chantz Te Moni, Mikaere Morgan Te Moni and Korizma-Lake Vonnita Manaaki Te Moni.

Honestly, what was wrong with Moon Unit, or Dweezil, or Fifi Trixiebell, or Bronx Mowgli, or Heavenly Hiraanii Tiger Lily?

~ Elisa

Oops, Sorry About That, Mrs Peabody...

The best way to train firefighters how to smash a front door down is to do it on a real house, right? Of course.

This is only a problem when, say, the house belongs to somebody and there are four small children living in it.

See what happened at CBS News

~ Elisa

Are You a Popping Fanatic?

Are you one of those people who like popping bubble wrap? It's ok, don't be ashamed, there are a lot of people just like you.

So many that a guy in New York has created a calendar letting you pop each day to mark it off. And he's sold thousands of the things.

Check out the story here
(CBS News / The Associated Press)

~ Elisa

Oh my...

...and I thought that meat-scented cologne was bad!

Sports Interactive, makers of the Football Manager video game, have released an aftershave scent that mimics grass, sweat, boot leather and heat spray. Not only that, they created it from samples from real change rooms!

Ewwwww.

I mean, don't get me wrong. "Clean" sweat on a man can smell nice. But come on. Sweat, blood, mud, stinky shoes, heat rub, grass, grotty underpants and stale deodorant spray? I'm just not feeling the love. This is one Christmas present that won't be gracing the floor under my tree.

~ Elisa

How Not to Clear Your Porch of Snow

Snow + Wooden Porch + Blowtorch = ...um, a whole lot of excitement.

Read More at CBS News

~ Elisa

Smart Bank Robber

Just a bit of a tip if you're planning to rob a bank: Don't write your stickup note on anything that might identify you. You know, like something that has your company name. Or, something that has your full name and address.

Bank Robber Leaves His Name

~ Elisa

Diplomacy at its finest

So if you're a bus driver, and one of your passengers leaves a filthy, disgusting and foul mess on a seat, how would you deal with that? Maybe ask them to clean it up? If that fails, I suppose you could report the incident to police, then go at the mess yourself with a sponge and bucket?

Naw, where's the fun in that? And besides, what if it was just kids, and it was just a few cookie crumbs? I mean, that's hardly difficult to clean, or stinky, or messy, right? Well, if you're today's star bus driver, you stick a knife in their faces and threaten to slash their wrists.

Driver threatened students over crumbs

Thanks to the Miami Herald.

~ Elisa

Well-Seasoned Roads

You know how they throw salt onto roads, to stop the ice being so slippery? Yeah? Well, in Iowa, they're adding... garlic salt.

I had no idea vampires had become such a problem!

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/12/17/ap/strange/main4674518.shtml

~ Elisa

Latvians Beg For Invasion

An online petition is circulating in Latvia calling on Sweden to invade the country and take over.

So far 10,000 people have signed up, wanting the Swedes to improve their services and allow them to become Swedish citizens.

Read more at the Independent Online, South Africa

~ Elisa

Unfortunate.

A postal worker in Mount Clemens, Michigan, had a bit of bad luck when he tried to pawn the gold he'd allegedly stolen from a parcel. The pawn shop's jeweller recognised the item as one he'd just posted. The postal worker couldn't have known, because the parcel had the jeweller's own name as the sender (rather than the pawn shop).

What are the chances?! Seems like crime doesn't pay!

Read more at RedOrbit.com

~ Elisa

Sofa Driver Fights Citations

No, the weird part isn't that he is fighting the citations. (Although, it's ambitious, I'll grant him that.)

To me, the weirdest part is that he was driving a sofa.

The second weirdest part is what he actually got into trouble for. Namely, the sofa was unregistered and the plates were expired. Are they suggesting that driving a sofa is quite alright, as long as it has current registration and numberplates? Seriously?

http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-462400-319235?source=1930

~ Elisa

Hand over that kitchen implement!

They must have desperately wanted an omelette, or something.

A homeowner in Florida was woken just before 4am as two armed intruders forced their way into his home and demanded... an egg beater.

Read more at Tampa Bay Online

~ Elisa

More than a facelift

Surgeons have replaced 80 percent of a woman's face, transplanting bone, teeth, muscle and nerve in the first such operation in the United States. (Reuters) http://uk.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUKTRE4BG73E20081217

This isn't a medical first, but it's the first time they've gone to such lengths.

Imagine looking into the mirror and seeing someone else!

What do you think?

~ Elisa

Grotty Snotty Lot!

I only find this believable because it's a celebrity. And we know they do weird things.

Scarlett Johansson caught a cold from co-star Samuel L. Jackson, Jay Leno handed her a tissue, and Johansson then announced she would sell it on eBay.

Nasty.

The only un-nasty part is that the money will go to charity.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/12/18/entertainment/e084126S32.DTL
(From the San Francisco Chronicle and Associated Press.)

~ Elisa

Rest In ...Pieces?

Poor Mr Wang and his family. At a family member's wake after a funeral, an apparent severe thunderstorm struck the house, blowing off half the roof and killing Wang Diange.

His family then arranged his own funeral, including a cremation, and were shocked as his body exploded in the furnace.

Investigations revealed that his death, and the cremation explosion, were caused by a weather rocket shell lodged in his body.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3793982/Weather-rocket-kills-man-and-blows-up-his-body-at-cremation.html

Unlucky.

RIP, Wang.

~ Elisa

Unfortunate temperature change

Oops, someone had beach ball issues! http://linkbee.com/8M15

Sock Thief

Are you in Loughborough UK? Missing some socks? Here's where they might have gone... there's a sock thief out there. http://linkbee.com/ZA7R

Extreme Sheep Herding

I should have posted this ages ago. Extreme Sheep Herding! I laughed so hard at this, it's awesome. Thankyou Elessa! http://linkbee.com/ZAOU

Busting Pilot

This pilot was obviously busting to go to the toilet. http://linkbee.com/ZF04 (thanks @DrJavaBeans)

Sean Walsh MISSING-have you seen him? http://linkbee.com/2V2V http://linkbee.com/2V23 Spread the word, please retweet!

Mile High Weddings & Paramedic Strip Show

Would you tie the knot in mid-air? easyJet is looking into performing weddings mid-flight http://linkbee.com/04FF

Paramedic strips off when supermarket refuses to sell him a bottle of wine. http://linkbee.com/ZNSU (that man deserves a round of applause)

WOW pod and Google Goats

Oh, my god. A pod for World of Warcraft players with built-in toilet and food so they never have to stop playing. Seriously. http://linkbee.com/124R

Google has hired 200 goats. No, really. http://linkbee.com/ZQDI

Russian Request & Sean Walsh Missing

Sean Walsh MISSING-have you seen him? http://linkbee.com/2V2V http://linkbee.com/2V23 Spread the word, please retweet!

I changed my mind, it's too big! ...Russian man asks for his extension operation to be reversed http://linkbee.com/05Y2

Emergency! Emergency!

You know, I always thought that the Emergency phone number was for, well, Emergencies. By their very definition, Emergencies aren't everyday calm occurrences. Nor are they benign inconveniences, or even Highly Annoying Tantrum-Inducing events.

Well, Latreasa Goodman of Florida disagrees with me.

Woman Calls Emergency over McNugget Shortage

Counterfeiting Gang Caught

Police have smashed a massive counterfeiting operation in the UK, run from a home in London.

More than £5 million worth of cash had been forged in £20- and €50-notes. The cash, produced in several locations throughout the UK, could be rolled out at up to £1600 per hour, and was almost flawless.

Police arrested eleven men in connection to the scam. Three have been acquitted, but among the charged were a 29-year-old, a 46-year-old, and a 52-year-old. But wait! There's more!

Police also charged men aged 58, 59, 60, and 69. But... wait for it - the operation's headquarters and main printing area was in the home of Dennis Hancox, aged 83.

Money can't buy youth, boys.

Hey Google Earth, Check This Out!

A teenager in the UK almost got away with the ultimate graffiti design - until a helicopter pilot spoiled all the fun.

Rory McInnes' parents were completely unaware that their son had painted an enormous 60-foot (20 metre) phallus on the roof of their home, when a journalist called them about the artwork. Rory's father, Andy, initially believed it was all a joke.

However, his son, currently in Brazil, eventually confessed via telephone.

Andy says that his son will be undoing his creative genius as soon as he returns to the UK.

Photo: KNS News

I Wish To Thank Myself

When you're about to give a worldwide-telecast speech in the presence of Barack Obama, it's probably a good idea to rehearse. Or at the very least, read through your lines so that you know what your speech is about.

Visiting The White House on St Patrick's Day, Prime Minister Brian Cowen of Ireland managed to get several paragraphs into his speech before noticing a problem - he was reading President Obama's words all over again. The teleprompter had accidentally shown the wrong talk. Turning to the President, all he could say was, "That's your speech!"

Obama, not missing a beat, chuckled, moved back to the microphone, and thanked himself for inviting everyone for the occasion.

Hazy Memory...

When you've been married ten years, one would think you can remember the ceremony. Or at the very least, remember the divorce. And people might find it a trifle odd if the two of you had never even slept in the same bed.

A 38-year-old Sydney man planned to get married this month but was unable to find his divorce papers from his previous marriage. Unfortunately, without proof that he was single, his marriage could not go ahead. But a search of the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry did not turn up any record of the divorce.

So the man went to the Family Law Court where the judge heard that the man believed he had been married ten years. There was no sexual partnership. He believed the day of the marriage must have slipped from memory because he was dependent on marijuana. Yet he distinctly remembered signing the divorce papers when they split up.

When they finally got hold of his "ex-wife", he found they'd never been married. And the form she had asked him to sign was the tenancy agreement.

I can only imagine the ex's reaction.

Yes, Yes, Yes, OUCH!

Playtime in the bedroom took on a whole new meaning for an American couple this week, when their experimental erotic toy went horribly wrong.

Apparently the man enjoys creating new devices. Now I suppose that isn't so unusual, except that he decided to employ a Sabre saw (also known as a Jigsaw). That's one of them in the picture.

The saw moves up and down rather quickly, but by virtue of it containing a blade, I'm not sure I'd recommend it as part of a sex toy ensemble. However, the hero of the story was not deterred by the whole "sharp and dangerous" issue, and attached it to a more conventional bedroom device.

Predictably, the saw teeth sliced straight through the rubber and caused injuries to the woman that I can only imagine. She had to be emergency-airlifted to hospital.

And after all that, it appears no charges will be laid, because she has told police the entire act was consensual. What? Yes, she agreed to it all. "Sure, honey, head towards me with a dangerous electric cutting tool! And then put it in a very sensitive place!"

It's fairly rare that a woman almost qualifies for a Darwin Award and survives.