Oh No, Not Again

I seem to recall a recent news article in which a would-be bank robber burst into a decidedly NON bank and demanded the staff give him the money from the (non-existent) safe. But hey, we all make mistakes, right? After all, if you don't realise it's not a bank, it's probably a spur-of-the-moment unplanned thing that just didn't work out.

But these guys have one-upped him soundly. The clowns who planned a robbery of the Royal Bank of Scotland branch in Macclesfield, UK, seem to have done a fair bit of homework and preparation. They armed themselves with tools, including a drill. They then broke into a flat above the bank, and pulled back the carpet, to make their way down through the bank's ceiling.

Unfortunately, they ended up in the empty office next door to the bank.

After making a second attempt from a different room in the flat, they gave up and fled empty-handed.

Perfectly executed, guys, all except the "correct location" thing. Or as my father would say, "The operation was a success, but the patient died."

Dumb Criminal

Hypothetical: Let's just pretend you were a prisoner. And if you were a prisoner, let's just pretend you were stupid enough to try and escape.

And if you were a prisoner and you were stupid enough to escape... what would you do next? I hear you: a chorus of "Run!" and "Hide!" and "Get the hell away from the prison!"

I now present Dumb Criminal Exhibit A: a 25-year-old prison escapee in Georgia, USA, was caught sneaking back into prison.

(dramatic pause)

Please retrieve your jaw from the ground and return it to its regular upright position.

Evidently, he only snuck out to steal some cigarettes. What I can't get my head around was this, though: Dude. You're OUT. You know, OUTSIDE the fence? Free and stuff! How is taking cigarettes back into your cell a better option?

BBC

Inconspicuous Vehicle

If you really, really want to get across town to see your girlfriend, and you haven't got your own car, how do you get there? Train? Nah. Steal your own set of wheels. And, to blend in with the traffic, how about a small, ordinary car?

No way. You take a bright red double-decker bus.

And in the interests of safety, make sure you're drunk.

Also, keep yourself well-hidden, by going shopping in your bus.

Police in the UK intercepted a 17-year-old on such a mission recently, and he was caught not because he crashed the bus, picked up passengers, blocked traffic or caused danger - but because he stopped at a service station trying to buy cigarettes, and asked for them to be put on the account of the bus company.

What's more, he'd only just been released 12 hours earlier, for stealing... another bus. The first time he was also drunk, managing to drive the wrong way through a roundabout, then cruising through a fence.

Ah, to be young and carefree again.

~ Elisa

Smart Bank Robber

Just a bit of a tip if you're planning to rob a bank: Don't write your stickup note on anything that might identify you. You know, like something that has your company name. Or, something that has your full name and address.

Bank Robber Leaves His Name

~ Elisa

Sweet Tooth... or is that Teeth

Some criminals are so dumb that they make you want to grab them by the collar and say, "DUDE! Don't do it like that, LET ME GIVE YOU SOME POINTERS SO YOU DON'T GET CAUGHT."

Ahem.

An 18-year-old high school student in the USA got hold of his school's purchasing number and used it to order confectionary online.

He probably would have gotten away with it except for the sheer amount - he ordered $37,000 worth. Predictably, the company phoned the school to confirm that they ordered that much and wanted it delivered to a home address.

In cooperation with the police, they delivered the boy an empty box. The boy was then delivered to a cell.

I don't think that the USA has lockups for dumb people, but perhaps they should.

Not Another Bus Thief

A 13-year-old Beijing boy commandeered a city bus recently, going on a wild joyride that left a trail of smashed cars and other damage.

The driver returned from the bathroom at a transport terminal in eastern Beijing, only to find his bus gone.

But unlike the boy who pulled into a shop for cigarettes, this kid was presumably sober. And not only that, he knocked down two power poles and smashed into TWELVE cars on his journey. One of the cars was thrown through a building's front door.

This kid didn't stop until bystanders managed to kick the bus door in and grab him. And what did he have to say about the adventure? Nothing...

full story at News.com.au

Victim Outsmarts Criminals

Alan Heuss, from Ohio in the USA, was quietly sitting in his BMW the other evening when a thug with a gun pointed it into the car and ordered him to relinquish the wheels. Along with the car, the thief scored himself some cash and a mobile phone.

So Heuss did what anyone would do. He reported it to the police, then sought out his friends to try and deal with it all via a few cold ales.

But one of his friends had other ideas, and said, 'I'm going to text these guys... I'm going to tell them I've got a bunch of hot chicks, as if I'm texting you, and that we've got some drugs, too.'

His friend fired off the text message, pretending that he had no idea of the carjacking, and offered to send the hot chicks around with the drugs.

The carjackers took the bait and texted their location.

Unfortunately, instead of a few hot chicks arriving with the goods, a few cops arrived to take the goods away.

Strange News: 1 point.
Good Guy: 1.
Dumb Criminal: 0.

~ Elisa

You Stole... What???

A relative of mine (who works in a gaol) once told me that "crims are stupid". Obviously she's not including the white-collar-crime inmates in that sweeping generalisation, but when I asked her what she meant, she recounted quite a few unbelievable stories on how these people got caught. And yes, based on the ones she told me, quite a few of those inmates are unbelievably thick.

This guy, from Halifax in the UK, was caught on a security camera trying to steal... the camera.

Read at the Telegraph
image thanks to Jaco

~ Elisa

This is a *Stick* Up!

Hot tip: when planning an armed robbery on a chicken takeaway, choose a better weapon than a tree branch.

Texan Attempts Robbery on Eddie's Fried Chicken

~ Elisa